through Rose Colored Glasses

If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you really miss a lot. I just realized that most of my friends are graduating this year. Seems weird because I’m not… I’m not one of them…. I’m not graduating… I got pregnant and now I’m struggling with this nursing degree that I don’t want. Not like I am doing anything else. I can’t even be there for my friends that are growing up… They’re getting so far ahead with their real lives. The lives they didn’t mess up. I’m just….
I wish I could be with them. Wish I could go visit them and do crazy stuff again … Like going to parks late at night, driving around blasting music and since we’re all of age now? Maybe drive somewhere random, go to bars, blow money on hotel rooms n clothes. I don’t know… I’ve never been able to really use my age? I’m a bum. I’m a teen mom whose still living with her parents n does nothing. I work at a daycare for like no money at all n go to school half assed. I can’t take anything seriously. I have no talent. And cause I’m so absorbed in my fake life I’m missing all these important moments. Everyone else…. Gaby Brittany Amanda Lecia Mary Ali Laura …. I’ve already lost Rachel Rita tori Ria Noah …. And everyone else I was friends with and just lost contact with…. Ha I’m surprised I still am friends with Royce n josh… Maybe it’s because no matter how long… They randomly text me… Or I can just randomly say hi and it’s ok? I feel with everyone else I can’t start over… Everyone changes. And though I have mya? My problem probably is that I’m the one who hadn’t changed? Or maybe I’ve changed the most? I miss everyone. Times like these I miss everyone so much. I hope mya never gets pregnant like me… She’ll miss out on so many memories… Trust me guys. There’s plenty of time to have a kid…. Plenty of time… My time came too soon…

Should I feel lucky that people consider me a MILF?
If so…. I hate feeling so disgusting at the sand time.
Oi.

Nothing is going to change at work. I’m stuck again… And I’m already unhappy.

Hard to understand what is real today… am I really here? Is this a dream? What will tomorrow bring? Did the past really happen? I’m just… Everywhere at once. Don’t really feel right…

I can remember every stupid thing I’ve done throughout my life so vividly… I can relive my finest moments as well… Is anyone else like this? Why do I feel like I’m the only one who remembers and relives every moment every day? The pain and the happiness… I can Remember it so well. When I talk to people about stuff ive done with them they make it sound like its so far away… Like its really behind them…
But I feel like every moment happens all at once…even what the future might bring … It’s all here. Past present future… It’s all entwined. All together… Don’t we feel it all at once?

I’m tired of asking… So I’m just going to stop. You have to do something. And you’ll get nothing from me…

I really… really don’t want to go to work tomorrow… I’m just not in the mood…

So work is getting pretty …. Not crazy but definitely different… G is a total b***** and before I leave her room I really want to talk to her. Being Cinderella was not fun as a joke or anything at all. I hope the new girl gets her to do something instead of sit all day. Anywho… I’m becoming a lead teacher… Wish a raise came with it. But I believe I’ve earned a lot of respect these past few months. So that’s what’s going on… Mya has her doctors appointment tomorrow! I’m worried she’s all sorts of sick. Thrush.., maybe strep… And she’s getting her water cyst popped And shots AND it’s Easter weekend? Rough times ahead for my little baby.
I think I finally have a hang on quadratic equations now… Only problem is I have to figure out application as well and my exam is tomorrow… So no fun there. Oh well. Gambatte’!!!!
Cheer me on people’s! :)

There’s so much to do!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Hey everybody… So instead of reading manga on my phone I’m going to try to be more productive and post more. Stuff about mya and maybe some writing. :) we’ll see how this goes…